I read a parable in a book called The Highly Sensitive Person about a man who retreated to a cave to escape the stress of life. Not long after that, however, he was so overwhelmed by the sound of the dripping water that he came out again. Even though the author was talking about a different context, it led me to this whole new epiphany about happiness (and its lack, thereof). I realized that in a lot of ways I am now living the life I always dreamed of (minus Armenia) but still find myself thinking, “I will finally be happy when…”
When I first moved to Sweden, I was constantly mesmerized by the forests and lakes around our apartment. I spend so much time just staring out the window and enjoying long walks, but now that nature has blended into the background and I don’t even notice it anymore. In the past, when my life was extremely busy, I dreamed of a time when I could have slow mornings and be more in control of my time. Now that I have that in this season of life, I am only thinking about the new things that stress me, even though they are mere “water drops” in comparison.
I related so strongly to that man in the cave, as maybe you can too. Whatever way of life we accomplish eventually becomes the new normal, and from there we only notice the new problems. As soon as we accomplish something, we are on to the next thing. But why? Maybe we need to take time to linger, to take it in, to keep being aware of the things that once gave us joy.
I have started doing this experiment where I close my eyes (literally or figuratively), forget everything I already know about my life, and open them as though for the first time. Suddenly, just the thought that I can wake up without an alarm clock fills me with a new thrill. The fact that I live in such a peaceful, quiet town makes my inner world quieten as well. So try it. Close your eyes and open them anew. Notice the dreams you once had that are now a reality, the people whose presence you could not do without. Maybe you always dreamed of having a home and now you have it. Maybe you suffer from chronic pain that for the moment has subsided. I would be really curious to hear what you came up with in the comments.
One of my favorite YouTubers, “The Minimal Mom,” made a quote from the book The Comfort Crisis: Embrace Discomfort To Reclaim Your Wild, Happy, Healthy Self about how sometimes we may even need to intentionally do without some comforts we are used to in order to appreciate them again. I have never consciously removed anything from my life, but I can see why this would be an invaluable experiment. Last term I was working as a substitute at a school, and even just that one stressful day a week made me simply blissful the following few days when I could stay home and do my thing. As much as I hate to admit it, if every day was a weekend, we would eventually stop seeing the value in it. Do you agree?
Just to be clear, I have never liked forced gratitude journals and often felt shamed by the idea that if only I could be grateful, I would be happy. It felt so unnatural to try to be happy for having drinking water when my heart was breaking. Things outside of our control happen to us all the time, and we need time to cope with and heal from them. There is no shame in being unhappy, and often we need more than just contentment to come out of that state. But maybe while we are in the process of healing, getting help, or making the changes we need in our life, remembering the things that once gave us joy (not just random things we don’t really care about) can go a long way and be a helpful companion holding our hand.
Maybe we need the lows, because otherwise we get so used to the highs that they feel like lows. We need the occasional pain to feel relief when it subsides. Maybe we even need to lose to know just how lucky we are to have. For me, contentment is like that feeling of returning home after long travels and many strange places, realizing all over again that there is no other place I would rather be.
If you enjoyed this, you might also be interested in reading How Contentment is Enriching My Life.
Well, Christina, I like it. It is a good post. You know, I, like you, almost always wake up before the alarm goes off. I like to get up early when the house is quiet. I do the dishes, brush my teeth, do my exercises, eat, shower …. and then take a nap. I don’t know if you ever really find an answer in life. I guess I kind of forgot what the question was. It always feels and always has felt like something is missing somehow, and, I guess as you get older, you just kind of embrace that and at the same time you just let it be there and let it go. Life is contradictory and we are all paradoxical and incomplete on some levels.. And that’s what’s perfect about us. I am teaching philosophy this semester. I remember that Heraclitus said that you never put your foot in the same river twice. He could have said that you never meet the same person twice just as easily. Thanks for reaching out with your email. I love hearing from you.
Tooom, I love hearing from you too ❤️ I miss you so much and I can’t wait to be with you guys again
Dearest Christina, thank you for sharing from your heart. So true that we often forget to appreciate what we have unless we experience its lack. I like the idea of closing the eyes and opening to begin afresh. I will try to do that. Love you much 💕
Thank you, best mom in the world ❤️ I love you toooo
Minions I like your profile picture in Kisso’s blog
It’s her WordPress account picture, not solely for my website 😁
My understanding of happiness has evolved over the years, and it might change again. For me, happiness is being free from suffering or profound sadness, experiencing contentment.
It involves creating and cherishing memorable moments, finding joy both in the present and the memories they leave behind.
Sending you much love արևս
I totally agree with everything you said ❤️ It’s also very hard to be happy when someone you love or your country is in suffering, so that’s always a huge barrier, but I guess we’re all trying to find inner peace and contentment even within all that in order to keep going.
My dear Christina,
You are such a gem, and so gifted. Your ability to communicate to our hearts and lives is surely unique. Your genuine, honest way of sharing your heart, expressing your thoughts and experiences, is a gift that you steward well as you seek to help others by pouring out your own life as you are living it.
I closed my eyes and made an attempt to forget what I know about my looong life;) (And that’s when all sorts of memories started flooding my mind, haha.) Finally I could open my eyes and sense the contentment I am filled with. I don’t have to prove anything to anybody any more, not to others, nor to myself, and not even to God. I know my true identity, and I have this deep sense of belonging. Now I can just BE, and seek to be a good steward of the life I have been given.
There was a time when I had ,to very intentionally forgive others and myself, I had to train «the muscle» of gratitude. Now it has become a way of life. There is, as you say, no shame in being unhappy, but don’t allow it to turn into self pity. That is destructive. I know…
It is such a privilege to be allowed to follow you on your life’s journey, Christina. I love you dearly!
I love you so dearly too, Kirsten, and aspire to be where you are in life! I love what you shared. Thank you sooo much for your kind and encouraging words. It means so much to me!
Dear,
Thanks for sharing!
somehow i read your post right when i need to hear them the most and it really touches my heart.
i was thinking how important it is to share what we feel like your post and how much effect it can have on others, maybe not on the exact same day , the day or the month or the year after but once time is right it will have its positive effects.
so thank you very much for sharing!
these past months have been so difficult and i was struggling to settle in every morning ,i needed to get used to being strong (which is why i am thankful for the book you shared about).
while struggling at work i had slowly lost touch of things i liked, like listening to music or just spending time with my partner; as if all that mattered was the cluster of pain and dust from work.
now that i have finally got a chance to move to hopefully a less toxic environment, I can see how much i had lost touch of the good things i have, things that just like you said i had dreamed of years ago.
it seems hard to rekindle sometimes and take a deep breath and let it all to God but once it is done ,oh the freedom and peace is so joyful!
hope to see you or have a call with you soon,
miss you guys
lots of love
Wow, I am so happy that this came to you just when you needed it, dear Shiva ❤️ And it does really matter to me to hear these things. I always look forward to your comments because they are so thoughtful and interesting 🙂 I am so glad you are in a better environment now. I wish all the happiness to you. I miss you too and we should certainly plan to speak sometime soon!