Developing a Healthy Relationship With Food

Like most people I know, my relationship with food has been anything but easy. I have gone through the phases of frantic dieting and exercising to those of losing control and eating without limits, all the while hating myself, my body, and all the irresistible food in the world. It has taken many years for my relationship with food to heal and for me to be able to love and enjoy eating while loving and taking care of my body. It is a process I am still going through, but I want to share with you some of the things that are helping me along the way.

The first comforting realization I had was that I wasn’t just born with a mouth and stomach–I was born with taste buds too. The world is full of delicious, colorful food, and we are meant to enjoy it without guilt. But somewhere along the way, the fear of getting fat is planted into our minds, and food–tasty food especially–becomes “forbidden” and, hence, all the more irresistible.

I had an interesting epiphany one night as I was pondering whether I should grab a snack or not. I found myself wishing I could have a superpower that allowed me to eat all I wanted without gaining a gram. Almost immediately I knew that if that had been the case, it would hardly matter to me whether I went for that snack or not. In fact, I would probably think it wasn’t worth the effort of going downstairs for. It’s so easy to become forgetful of food when it’s not an obsession.

What I needed to learn was that the fear of getting fat and the belief that I’m somehow prone to overeating are just thoughts–lies, in fact. I could just as easily choose not to believe them and replace them with the right thoughts. I used to find daily affirmations ridiculous until I realized that their real purpose is in changing the old, unhealthy neural pathways in our brain and creating new ones for the right thoughts. I rarely stand in front of the mirror and talk to myself, but when I catch myself thinking harmful thoughts, I consciously choose to think otherwise.

A thought I am still trying to engrave in my brain is: “Lose weight because you love your body, not because you hate it.” When I’m exercising and catch myself worrying about whether or not I’m losing weight, I shift my thoughts to, “I’m not doing this because I’m ugly and need to lose weight. I’m doing this because I want to have a strong heart and be healthy, so I won’t have to spend my last years in hospitals.” I change my thought patterns as I become aware of them.

On a more practical level, each person needs to find what works for them. If exercising three hours a day or giving up sweets for good is not something I can keep doing for the rest of my life, then I won’t start it. My mom has found that when she eats only fruits in the first half of the day, she doesn’t get hungry until the evening and can be fully satisfied with a big dinner. My fiancé has found that if he has a whole box of chocolates at hand, he’s going to eat all of them. Instead, he asks a family member to “hide” them for him and whenever he has the cravings, he can get as many as he wants. You’d be surprised how infrequently he remembers them. My favorite form of exercise is swimming, so that’s the only one I’ve committed to. Anytime I’ve tried sticking to an exercise routine I didn’t like, I gave it up eventually. 

It is also important to replace whatever we remove from our life. As a night owl, giving up my midnight snacks would just be too sad. Instead, I might prepare healthy snacks ahead of time, such as veggies and dip, because I know that if I have them ready in the fridge, I will gladly choose them over chocolate and chips. When we find healthy habits that make us feel good and love life, sticking to them is not a struggle.

I believe that everything is beautiful and enjoyable within its healthy boundaries. Eating more or less than the right amount is never satisfying. I absolutely hate feeling like there’s food stuffed up to my throat and my stomach is about to explode. It might sound silly, but whenever I feel full but want to keep eating, I just take a moment and picture the food already being happily digested in my tummy. I practice gratitude and remind myself that, even though it might feel like all the good food in the world is going to vanish today, that’s not true and there will be many more opportunities in life to relish it. What I had today was enough, and I am grateful for it.

All that being said, it is so important to not feel deprived. I often remind myself that I am allowed to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, however much I want. Whenever a certain food becomes forbidden, I only crave it more, resist it for a while, and then attack it with full force. On the other hand, the less I focus on food and losing weight, the less of a big deal it becomes, and I find myself eating less.

Developing the right mindset takes time. There are no shortcuts to a healthy relationship with food, especially considering how many years it has taken for it to be damaged. Sometimes I might lose patience and try to find the quickest weight-loss methods, but they aren’t sustainable in the long run. They will only last a few weeks at best before I lose control and jump to the other extreme. Laying the groundwork and allowing the roots to heal might take longer without giving quick results, but its fruits will last forever.