When life gets too busy and stressful, my way of dealing with it is daydreaming about moving to the countryside and living a slow, peaceful life. The ideal scenario would be moving to the Shire, but I’m old enough to know that that’s not going to happen. In my spare time, I watch videos of vloggers who have made the move from the city to the countryside, and read books from an era where cottage life was the norm. Until recently, I saw that drastic change in my external environment as the only path to peaceful days and an enjoyable life.
But even as I now find myself in-between semesters with only a part-time job to keep me busy, I rarely find myself at rest. My planner is constantly filled with long to-do lists and by the time I finish (or realize I can’t finish) everything on my list, the day is over and all I have time for is going to bed. Once in a while, a wave of depression hits me when I realize that this is how my life is always going to be. I will never get to a point where I’ll be done with everything and will have cleared up space for rest and pleasure. Except maybe when I retire, but is that really how I want to spend the next 40 years of my life?
I was in one of those hopeless states when, by some beautiful coincidence, my favorite YouTube channel, created by an Irish woman living in the countryside, uploaded a new video about “enjoying the process.” The thought that stood out to me most was that “we can overestimate what we can get done in a year and underestimate what we can do in ten years.” I realized that amidst all the dreams I had and projects I wanted to start, my goal was simply to get them done. It almost felt as though I was racing against time and if I didn’t create my online Armenian course or finish my novel today, it would be too late. My main motivation in life seemed to be putting a check mark in front of my daily tasks and yearly goals. I couldn’t remember the last time I had poured all my love into something I was doing.
As a child, I always carried my chunky notebook around with me and took every opportunity to write and escape into my stories. Finishing books I loved reading made me sad, unlike later on in life, when the number of books I read became more important to me. An honest and unique video called “for those who feel like they don’t read enough books” encapsulates that feeling so well. My obsession with getting things done as opposed to enjoying them started around the time of my undergraduate studies when I discovered that I want to have a career as a writer. My goal became to read as many books as possible, write as many stories as I could squeeze out of myself, and somewhere along the way I lost my genuine love for and pleasure in writing. I was just trying to do what a writer was supposed to do and, of course, it was never good enough.
Niamh, the Irish woman I mentioned, often talks about how she has let go of the need for external validation and a long list of achievements. In one video, she says that she tries to get just one main thing done a day. I felt such a huge pressure lift off of me when I realized that I could do the same. During my recent visit to Sweden, I was staying with my fiancé and his family. One Saturday, after a week of hard work, my fiancé’s dad sat down at the kitchen table and began designing the balcony he wants to remodel. He spent hours and hours at his computer and I found myself wondering why he wasn’t rushing to do all the other stuff he might have wanted to do, now that it was finally the weekend. And then I remembered someone mentioning how important it is to allow yourself to get lost in something, even for hours, because that’s how the brain rests.
After that I decided that I would do the same. If I was writing a story, I would block out all thoughts making me anxious to wrap things up and move on to the next thing. If I was reading a book in my spare time, I wouldn’t feel guilty for being unproductive. If I was washing the dishes, I would stop seeing that as a hurdle to more important things. And in the evenings, unless I had urgent tasks or deadlines, I would just have to draw the line somewhere and decide that whatever I managed was enough. I don’t know how long I have been working on this blog post now, but it sure feels good to have not worried about just finishing and posting it regardless of how sloppy it was. I allowed myself to pour my love into it and gave myself the time to search for the perfect word and re-construct the sentences until they sounded just right. I have spent so many years trying to do things quickly that it will take time for me to get the hang of slow living, but I guess this is a good start.
Dear Christina, this is a wonderful thought-provoking post. I hope and trust, it will inspire many to put love in all they do. I also congratulate you on your new website. It looks great and I am looking forward to reading more of your observations about life.
Thank you so much for your sweet comments and for reading and caring 🙂
Wow, this was really what I needed now! I Have been so busy applying to jobs I forgot that I enjoy doing what I do. This really helped me, I guess I never thought about how I just need to take my time sometimes and pour my love into what I am doing. I think I have read about a similar Japanese thing where the goal is really to focus on perfecting one thing. For example, like archery and where it´s not only about hitting the target but to do the whole process leading up to that beautiful. But seriously thanks, this was a wonderful reminder to slow down.
Dan, it’s so cool how this came to you at the perfect time. The Japanese example you bring is so inspiring for me.
Thanks for spending time and writing this, Christina. It is so true that we are constantly in rush. All the technology and our life is set up in a way that we need to be productive, constantly striving to do more and more in limited number of hours of our lives reaching goals, scratching something off our big To-Do lists. But it is always good to slow down and find balance and the right speed, in fact. We need to be fast when it makes sense and slow down when it’s needed.
Looking forward to reading more of your writings…
Thank you so much, Nazik, for sharing your thoughts on this and for always being here for me and interested in my writings. It is more encouraging than you know!