If there is one thing that the Swedish autumn has taught me, it’s that you don’t take the sun for granted. When it comes out, your drop everything and go out with it. So that is exactly what I did on one particular October day. Of course, while I put on my jacket and packed up my essentials in my bag, I also took with me the guilt and self-resentment over all that I hadn’t accomplished that day.
I ended up sitting in a green field where the sun was so warm that I just had to close my eyes and let it soak in. But even in that beautiful moment, criticizing thoughts about what I should be doing instead threatened to crowd my mind, reminding me that if I ever wanted to get ahead with my goals in life, I would be spending my free time on them.
Ironically, those same guilt-ridden thoughts were the reason why I couldn’t be productive in the first place. A Yale student named Elizabeth Hopkins described that unpleasant cycle better than I ever could: “Seeping between these feelings of worry and distress is a pervasive sense of guilt that I am wasting time, that I am being lazy and am therefore worthless. Ironically, this guilt over my lack of productivity only makes it harder for me to have the energy to actually get things done.”
Not only were those thoughts stealing my productivity, but, as I suddenly realized, they were also preventing me from enjoying what was right in front of me. I was neither taking steps towards my goals nor enjoying the field and the sun that might very well be gone in an hour or less. Why? Because I believed that unless I was doing something “productive,” I was wasting my time.
When I eventually gave in to those thoughts and went home, I did what any reasonable human being would do: I Googled the issue (or DuckDuckGoed it, if we’re being specific). And for the first time in my life, it actually helped, because that is how I discovered Elizabeth Hopkins’ article. Her final words liberated me from the vicious cycle more instantly that I could have imagined: “Bodies and minds fall ill, bad days happen. There is a radical power to be found in accepting that sometimes we cannot live life to the fullest… When we are threatened by feelings of guilt or shame, we must remind ourselves that even the smallest moments of joy and peace can be as meaningful as any personal or professional achievement.”
Believe me when I say that I find great fulfillment in productivity and accomplishing goals. In fact, I believe that we humans, like our Creator, have an innate longing to create, to work, to plant seeds and see them grow. But there is immense fulfillment also to be found in sitting by a lake and looking at the water, having long dinners with your family, and even giving your mind a break by playing your favorite computer game. They won’t add to your bank account or resumé, but they can be valuable simply because you were happy and at peace in them.
After all, we are not robots whose sole purpose and worth is defined by our productivity. We need rest and joy and love as much as we need to work and feel useful. And why did we ever decide that one is more important than the other? Strangely enough, whenever I put away my guilt and just enjoy my free time, a sudden motivation to do what I need to do fills me up. It’s almost like a huge burden has fallen off my chest and I can finally run again. Go figure!
Good reminder, dear Christina
Thanks, mama!
Dear Christina, thank you so much for this wonderful and opening post! These words are so reassuring and help me build the allowance in me to know that it is okay to rest and do the things we enjoy that send our mind, body and soul into rapture and sometimes simple do nothing 🙂 That resting IS productive in itself because you can’t drive a car when there is no gas, just like how you cannot get things done and accomplish tasks when you have no energy! This post has helped me realize that rest is just as important and necessary as feeling useful and working 🙂
Dear Anaida, your comment means so much to me! I am so happy that it was reassuring and helpful for you. I love your analogy about driving a car with no gas. So on-point!
Christine, I enjoyed reading your thought provoking blog.. From childhood we are told to clean our room, stop dreaming, do your homework… etc.. As adults we carry this with us.with adult responsibilities..I like watching a British T.V. show called Inspector Morse.. It struck me the other day, when his sergeant asked him in the middle of an investigation, where he was going, in the middle of the work day, He said that he had a lot of thinking to do..He was going home. He loves to listen to classical music when he is thinking.. That was his way of being productive..Your blog made me think of that.. Sitting quietly and doing nothing is important sometimes.. Many times a solution to my problem pops up in my head, when I am just thinking, or reading, or listening to the radio. Watching the clouds go by, or the flight of the birds, just enjoying the sun, is also being productive. When someone asks me what are your plans for the weekend, I say nothing, enjoy the day. Each passing day will not return. Carpe deum.. Thanks . I wish you all the best.
Dear Sonia, what you say is SO true! Our brain is constantly overloaded with information and sensory input, so we need to give it time to rest and “compartmentalize” all those thoughts. It might be boring for us to just sit and do nothing, like you said, but it is so important for the brain. Thank you for sharing your insights!
Great reminder indeed!
Often, distancing ourselves from our tasks and problems, brings another perspective and solution. As it says, « Doing nothing is the most important something to do » 🙂
So true! I also find that stepping back from the problem, maybe taking a short walk, suddenly makes the solution seem so obvious 🙂
Christina darling missed your sunny soul band wisdom. Thanks for sharing this blog! I had the exact thoughts today. I was feeling guilty that I was simply surfing the internet and listening to some music. Looking at the mountain. Doing nothing. It was a delicious feeling of serenity. I tried to throw guilt away and say to myself, I need this as much as other things need me…love you!
Loucineee <3 I'm so glad you threw the guilt away! You deserve all the rest you need :* I love you too!